Miss you.

I miss you. I miss me. I miss this.

Love you all. Hope you are doing well.

I have a quote that I think will make you all smile, it made me. “Love life and life will love you. Love people and they will love you.” –Arthur Rubinstein

Laugh...you know you want to.

What do you get when the Pillsbury DoughBoy bends over?

Doughnuts. :)

Love you all.

BHAW

STOP trying so damn hard. You are who you are, and that is good enough for me and anyone else who comes along.

Flight

That feeling again.
A lightheartedness that grows
Establishing roots beneath my toes
Branches shading my head
It overwhelms me
I can’t seem to stop smiling.
Tingly and electric
I could fly if I wanted to
Nothing, no one, could keep me.

That feeling again.
Brand new.
Fresh air invades my lungs.
Refreshed.
Breathe.
I tell myself.
Knowing that feeling leaves quickly
Just as soon as it came, it will leave.

That feeling again.

trembling-free write

In and out in and out. Ragged sighs of malcontent. They tear at me and make my throat raw. I almost did it. I almost walked away...from all of this. Everything.

Almost.

What was left of me? Blackened ash. Where is that flame that the lyric suggests? It is not clear, and something malfunctioned within me. A disconnect. A discord. I have failed and I know this. Now just get up and walk across the acid floors. I pray that they will dissolve me. Reduce me to a puddle.

Almost.

I stayed in my seat. Why?

There was flint striking rock in that place of infinite darkness. I have found you. Or is it that you have found me? What ever the case

i stayed in my seat why...

Because the answer is yes, and anything else I can imagine to be true.

nothing much

Hey guys,

No one, including me, has written in a while. I am not looking for any excuses...nor am I giving any, but I feel that we all need to keep this discussion going. No...the truth actually is I need to keep it going. I feel lost in my skin. Lost, lonely, unsure, and unusual. I am feeling that nothing I do is right. What is that? Where does it come from? How come it is so easily invited into my brain?

Summer is half over and I have nothing to show for it.

I want to feel good being me.

I sat down to write about different things and that came out....where was I going....?

I was given an outstanding book by the wonderful Abbey called Spilling Open. It is an art journal of this girl between the ages of 18-21 and her journey to find herself. Her name is Sabrina Something. She is now about 24 or older-I don't have the book here with me. I have flipped through is a lot but started to actually read it front to back yesterday. I am feeling exactly what she is writing about. I am connecting so well with this because I am simply unraveling when is comes to my art. I feel like what I am creating is not me. I don't want to be an artist to sell my work and put on exhibits. I want to be an artist just to be me...my expression, thoughts, my outlet. And so much lately has been forced and painfully extracted for other things. This may sound strange but this is not complaining... I have made it hard on myself and not because I had to do it. I want to find how I express with out the influence of anyone. I want a blanket of Joni to wrap over all of me and all parts of my life.

My thoughts stop and rest there....hope you are all doing well.

love.

Small Victories

I’ve been having a hard time lately. I feel trapped within my own fog.

But the question of constructing myself and what that really means and looks like has been weighing on my heart. I don’t think our construction is ever complete. I don’t think we get any wiser to what our whole person is. Our hearts and our minds are always under construction.

And that’s beauty beyond anything imaginable.

We get larger in this life. We grow and we occupy space. We learn and we adapt. But we never stop. We never stop capturing the beauty in the world as we discover more about it. So I won’t know more about myself in twenty years, I’ll just be a little wiser and more aware of my true heart than I am now.

So today, to learn a little more about my true heart, I’ve decided to set small goals for myself. To challenge myself in small ways that I hope will lead to big victories and a focused spirit. I think it’s the small victories that allow us to feel like we are growing, moving, discovering.

What small challenges will you guys try to defeat today?